2 years later...

...well, I guess we get through each day...we are still breathing...yet, we are still missing our precious little boy!  It is so very odd to miss one little guy, while taking care of a different one.

We will always miss our boy, we miss him each and every day.  Yet the memories of him, I feel like they are slowly fading.  It is hard to remember what he smelled like, what it felt like to hold him, rock him, feed him, cuddle him.  What his giggle sounded like, how his toes were always in his mouth...the list could go on and on.  It is hard to not remember Caleb like this...

always in the hospital.  It feels like we spent more time going to and from Fairfax Hospital vs. being home with him, but we didn't.  Not sure why the mind always wants to take one to the "dark" times vs. the good.  It was certainly a VERY difficult path in our lives.  We had to split our time between being with our child at the hospital and being with his siblings at home.  We had to leave a child at the hospital 45 minutes away, to come home and spend a little time with his siblings before they went to bed.  Never was and never will be an easy decision between the two!  Yet, there are so many times, in Caleb's final days that I wish I had stayed at the hospital, by his side, now that I do not have that option any more.

In the end...our faith, our family, our church, our friends are what get us through each and every day!  Through it all, we learned that we have much more in us then we ever imagined we had to give!  If it were not for Caleb showing us that we can truly do it, through his own fight and determination, we would not have Kai.  We would have never pursued a special needs adoption, so Caleb lives on through Kai, through all of us...

Caleb Andrew, we miss you more then we can ever express.  We thank you for showing us how strong we can truly be when the going gets tough!  We hold on to the fact that we will get to see you again someday...